Z is for... Zombies? :0

Good evening, little diamonds in the rough.

What?

Yeah, I don’t know. Moving on please.

So I went and saw “The Lone Ranger” a couple hours ago… Bout that… Maybe just go see “Grown Ups 2” instead… (Don’t get me wrong, I’m Johnny Depp’s numero uno fan, and there were some really funny and good parts in it, but other parts… Eh. It was just all right. Maybe if you have spare time and cash go see it, but I’m not gonna say “OMG LIKE GET UP RIGHT NOW AND GO SEE THE LONE RANGER THE MAIN GUY,(WAS HE THE RANGER????) WAS LIKE SO HOT AND IT WAS SO GOOD LIKE TOTES!!!! :DDDD” Yeah no. Again, free time and enough money and need to get out with the friends? Go see it. If not, you’ll live, believe me.)

But alas, this is not a review of that movie, ergo the title. (Yes, I did just use “ergo,” don’t judge meh :P)

While waiting in the ridiculously long line to use the bathroom, (little old ladies kept cutting me, and I’d had to pee since before the movie started… NOT COOL.), some woman struck up a conversation with me. She was maybe, eh, 40 something, give or take I guess. But she came in looking all surprised and kinda… just weird. Her eyes were all big, and she had this little smile on her face, so it kiiinda looked like she hadn’t just been watching a movie… (Who empties their wallet just to do the horizontal mamba in a supply closet???)

At least, not a legal movie… (*wink wink*)

Strange facial expression aside, she HAD just been in a movie, which I was going to find out roughly .75 seconds after she entered. She looked at me and starter blabbing, like I had a neon sign over my head, blinking, “Hey! Yes, you being all creepy! This girl RIGHT HER needs to have an awkward chat while trying to keep her bladder from exploding! Please help!”

So the first thing she announces is, “I didn’t know it’d be scary!”

I glanced over my shoulders to make sure she wasn’t talking to me, but, unfortunately… she was. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not antisocial, I just hate people :)

But I just mumbled an, “Ummm…” while praying the old ladies in the three stalls would seriously kick it in gear.

“Have you seen it???” she then asked.

I didn’t know what it she was referring to- honestly “it” could’ve been anything from her missing dog Toto to her brain (or lack thereof) to a boy’s private parts… In which case the dog is being held captive in Oz, she never had a brain (I’m sure of it), and I accidentally opened an email of my friend’s in seventh grade and saw Pete Wentz’s… Well, y’know- so I was again struck with genius from the god of words and said, “Ummm…”

“World War Z,” she cackled. “I was not expecting that.”

… What’s not to expect? How on God’s green earth did she not know it was going to be scary? HE-LLO

I nodded and forced a probably pained-looking smile, admitting that I had seen it, and throwing in the profound input that it was, “Quite suspenseful.”

She trucked on with, “I just… I really didn’t expect the zombies! They were just…”

And then this little old lady finally hobbles out of a stall- my heart picked and my smile became genuine… Sweet relief! I thought. Dear sweet Jesus, may the praises ring!- but, to my dismay, she stood in the doorway of the stall, intent on discussing the movie… And that’s where I was really shocked.

The old woman exclaimed, “I didn’t know it would have zombies! I was so surprised! I didn’t see it coming at all!”

…

No.

Just…

Come on!

How… How in the hell did you not expect the zombies?!?!

“Hmmm… I wonder what World War Z is about… Well, the previews show zombies chasing everyone, so it must not be that… Maybe it has something to do with zebras… Or the world ran out of zinc…”

Seriously?!

Okay, so maybe I’m ranting a bit here. Maybe I’m judging these chicks a little too harsh, but… I can’t be the only one who wants to facepalm at that, right???? :/

Well, when “Psycho Chainsaw Killer Guy Who’s Also A Cannibal and Likes Playing Ukuleles” comes out, I’ll make sure to clarify it’s about a psychopathic man who kills with a chainsaw and then eats the remains while enjoying the nice tune of a ukulele. That way she won’t be taken so off guard.

Gah, good night people.